


Days that are Over

by Helmhammerhand



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:09:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1702604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helmhammerhand/pseuds/Helmhammerhand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you had nothing, then nothing could be ripped away from you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Days that are Over

"You don't have to pressure yourself to be alone, Jean."

Jean was sitting with his back against the wall of the dormitory, glaring at the ground. He had heard the footsteps approaching, but hadn't bothered to move. With effort, he looked up to see Armin walking slowly towards him, his face full of concern and conviction. Jean turned back to the ground, absently scuffing the dirt with the heel of his boot.

He thought that he would have felt annoyed at the blonde's intrusion, but he had stopped being able to feel anything. The universe had forced him into a position of apathy, and he was beginning to see the disconnection as somewhat of a cocoon. If you had nothing, then nothing could be ripped away from you. The image of Marco's torn corpse flashed through his mind, and he grimaced painfully.

Armin sat down beside him, quietly looking at the field in front of them. The moon was bright enough to light the area, and he watched the wind ebb over the grasses. He would have to choose his words with prudence. Subtly he glanced over at Jean. 'He's clearly a wreck, though why shouldn't he be? This may be the first time he has ever lost someone.' As he began to speak, Armin felt like his voice came from outside himself.

"When the titans broke down Wall Maria, I was paralyzed with dread. I suppose we all were, except Eren. He immediately screamed that his house was very near to where the titans were pouring in, and he ran off to go find his mother. Mikasa of course followed him. I stood in the street, people surging past me, and after a few sickening moments, I could feel control of my body returning. I knew that the two of them were running directly into the titans' mouths. The chances of their survival were extremely small, but I couldn't bring myself to follow them. Instead, I turned and fled towards my own house. On the way there I saw Hannes directing people towards the inner gates. I told him about Eren and Mikasa, and he looked towards the outer Wall. Turning back, he whispered to me; I shouldn't have been able to hear him because of the chaos, but his voice was amazingly clear. 'Armin, there is only one thing I need of you. I need you to survive today.' Then he was gone."

Neither boy looked at one another. Jean shifted slightly, turning his eyes from the ground to the field, then up at the moon. Although Armin didn't refuse to talk about Shingashina, this was the first time Jean had heard him be so open about it. 'If this is his attempt at trying to comfort me, he's mucking it up royally.'

Armin started raking his fingers through the dirt, his voice developing a rough husk.

"As I was turning round the corner of the road towards my house, I ran into my grandfather. I was knocked down, but he immediately picked me up and began carrying me. After a few seconds, I noticed he was taking me away from the house. I shrieked at him that we had to get my parents out, we all had to get out, but he didn't say a word, he just kept running. I fought him all the way down to the river. When we were herded onto the boat, he sat me down and stared at me. He was completely silent, just staring at me. Then he sat down beside me and hugged me tightly. I thought my ribs would break beneath the weight of his arms. My grandfather never told me that my parents had died, but it was impossible to deny it. And now…now he's gone too."

Armin grabbed a handful of dirt in his right hand and let it slip through his fingers. He sighed, and turned to look at Jean. Jean looked at him for a moment, but couldn't stand the weight of his gaze, so he looked back to the field.

"Jean, there is nothing I can say to you that will ease the pain of Marco's passing. No words can ever fill that void. What I can say is that there is no going back. Nothing in the world can bring my parents and my grandfather back to me. It may sound twisted, but I have found comfort in that. Although this world is cruel and dangerous, my family and I shared so many small moments. I remember the stained glass prisms my mother and I made, and the way the late afternoon light would shine through them, dying the floor with their swirling hues. I remember the way they made my father's eyes change color, and I would pretend he was a magician. All these tiny details, I remember them so plainly. They are the images I think of when I am missing them. They've helped me grieve. I am eternally grateful that I was able to share my life with them. In my memories they will always be alive."

Armin felt his voice break, but made no effort to hide the tears on his cheeks. Jean glanced over, feeling a gnawing pit growing in the bottom of his stomach. It made him feel sick; a flush trailed its way along his body. Jean felt his pent up sorrow and rage flood through his veins. In moments he had collapsed against Armin's shoulder. His sobbing was deep and punctuated with gasps, burning its way along his along his throat. "Marco, Marco…" he whimpered quietly. Armin wrapped his arm around Jean's shoulder, rubbing small circles along his upper back, and began to hum softly.

By the end of it, Jean felt like he had torn his entire body inside out. His eyes felt swollen and he knew they were red, his throat was raw and his voice hoarse. Although he was no longer crying, he kept his head on Armin's shoulder listening to the blonde's voice purring. The sky was slowly growing brighter, the moon hung only an inch above the trees. Armin shifted, causing Jean to sit up.

"We should get back inside. It'll be daylight soon, and if Shadis finds us out here he'll have us doing more laps than Sasha."

Jean smiled weakly and nodded. The two stood up, brushing the dirt from their uniforms.

When Armin made to leave, Jean grabbed his wrist. Turning around, Armin gave him an imploring look.

"I don't say this often, so appreciate it…In some bizarre way, you did make me feel better. So, thank you, Armin."

Armin took Jean's hand in his own and lightly squeezed it.

"Jean, I meant it. You don't have to be alone. We're part of a team, and we keep each other alive with more than blades and 3D maneuver gear. Whenever you need me, I will be here for you."

Jean swatted away Armin's hand, and began walking back towards their quarters. He called over his shoulder, "We'll see if you'll still be saying that tomorrow in training."

**Author's Note:**

> Title courtesy of Sondre Lerche


End file.
